We here in heaven got together and decided it was time to set the record straight. There are a few things that need to be said as well as some questions that we would like answered.

Let's get the sex question out of the way immediately. Yes, there is sex in heaven, glorious sex, unbridled sex sex sex Heavenly sex, sing GLORY HALLELUJAH SEX The difference is that we are all smooth down there like Ken and Barbie. So we don't have nearly all the commotion around gender issues like you all seem to down on earth. But thats your problem... And while we're on the topic of GENDER... what makes y'all think that God has a penis anyway What is with the Father this and Father that crapola. Take a hint from this angel sweetie God is a sick bitch And the reason she does anything at all mostly is to get a good laugh. Rest assured when you ask those rhetorical questions from time to time the answer is always the same God is a sick bitch. Why did that bird just shit on me God is a sick bitch. Why do I only fall for guys who are mollusks GIASB Why does my car smell so bad inside GIASB Why didnt anyone tell me I had a booger on my face GIASB So you see, this new philosophy has broad appeal and many practical applications. Use it. Use it liberally and often. 

People always want to know about church too.  I imagine that is why so many of them attend.  God knows I hate church.  You think   church is boring on earth.... you should go to a service up here in Skyville   phew What lengths some folks won't go to.... anyway... church is mainly a great place for music.  It helps if you know where and when to stand.  Most of us here can take it or leave it.  We wonder why mortals dont feel the same way.

A few other facts about heaven There is no toilet paper in heaven. We simply do not need it. The mail is on time twice a day.  We like to run a tight ship.   Participation in a choir is mandatory: NO EXCEPTIONS. Unclaimed items at the coat check will be discarded after 24 hours and you have to pay for your own drinks.

Now, the big question... the heavenly host and I are most curious about one thing Cult of Mary. Now, dont get us wrong, we ADORE Mary. She is as we say the hostess of the host. She is really lots of fun... she shares her cigarettes, tidies up after herself and makes a fabulous Tom Collins But we feel and Mare feels the same way that the Cult of Mary worshippers have gone a bit overboard. So we need to understand why... why this obsession with her Why the altars and candles and offerings Why Why Why  We feel our query is justly seated in this next question.  Do you go home and sit in front of the box the TV came in

 Timothy P. Credle